strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.