Look at my poop before flushing

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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I got 12 months free xbox live gold from this website http://freexboxlivegoldcodes.org .You can also get it.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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look at bins as i walk past them

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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speak proper english

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.