Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.