I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.