Look at my poo before I flush it.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.