whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.