I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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I hit the frig after sex

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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check shower for murder then pee

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.