I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -53

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Being fat

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -75

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

thumb_up thumb_down -127

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.