Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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I T-bag my teammates in MW3 when they die.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.