- Things You Think Only You Do

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.