Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I think about other women when having sex

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.