I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.