Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.