Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

thumb_up thumb_down -32

after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

thumb_up thumb_down -42

You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

thumb_up thumb_down -44

not eating the ends of a hotdog.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Poo really loud

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.