When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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I piss in the bed every night

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.