scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

thumb_up thumb_down -98

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Go for a 10 mile run.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I push the door open with my stomach

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.