Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Boinked my neighbor

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.