Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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Putting salt on dry toast, yum!

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Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

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I think about other women when having sex

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.