When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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I hit the frig after sex

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Be a loner at school

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.