Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.