Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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I hit the frig after sex

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.