Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.