Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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check shower for murder then pee

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.