A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Sometimes I toot.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.