Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.