Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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I hit the frig after sex

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.