When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Being fat

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.