Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.