everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Only use the left earphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

thumb_up thumb_down -61

i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Sitting down in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

thumb_up thumb_down -63

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Thinking your life is a movie...

thumb_up thumb_down -65

read on youtube comments with too unlikes

thumb_up thumb_down -65

try to give your friends spirit animals

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.