When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

Being fat

Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

I have autofocus in my eyes.

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.