Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.