Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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fap

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Only use the left earphone.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.