When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

I cant ride a bike

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.