I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.