Believing in the kindness of strangers

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.