HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

Believing in the kindness of strangers

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

I rehearse arguments in my head.

I have autofocus in my eyes.

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

i masturbate with my feet

Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.