HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.