the power to regenerate your appendix

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Smoking in the shower.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.