When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

the power to regenerate your appendix

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

Smoking in the shower.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.