When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I cant ride a bike

thumb_up thumb_down -33

the power to regenerate your appendix

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -41

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -61

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.