Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Smoking in the shower.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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Sitting down in the shower

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.