When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

thumb_up thumb_down -34

the power to regenerate your appendix

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

thumb_up thumb_down -36

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.