You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.