Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.