Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Sitting down in the shower

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.