Being fat

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.