i masturbate with my feet

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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I **** with no hands.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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I was the real Stig...

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.