When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.