Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.