I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Ur mum

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.