Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.