I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.