Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Tear up when I poop

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.