When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling that I'm falling

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Close you closet door whenever you are about to go to bed.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Watch scary movies even though your afraid of the dark.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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I really like taking shits.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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i have my own way of eating every chocolate bar i eat, layer by layer

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Almost every time someone tells me something sad I have to fight the urge to grin.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.