Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Try to imagine every couple I see having sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

thumb_up thumb_down +60

I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

thumb_up thumb_down +50

use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

get bored so I fist myself for money

thumb_up thumb_down -37

scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

use any nearby window's reflection you walk by to check on appearance.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

I always open up another tab on my browser, just in case I accidentally exit, so my computer can warn me that I will close 2 tabs.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I precisley fold toilet paper , so that I can unfold it and use the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I really like taking shits.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

gh, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a long time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

thumb_up thumb_down +1

When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

thumb_up thumb_down +11

sit on the toilet when taking a crap and play my iPod or laptop at the same time for something to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Wait 2-3 seconds with anticipation whenever a baby falls for them to cry.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.