after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.