When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -72

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.