Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.