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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Only use the left earphone.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.