Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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I don't like just killing bugs in my home so what I do is I would catch them in a tissue and flush them down my toilet

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Look at my poop before flushing

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Finally understand the meaning of a song i used to like as a child....... Im a Barbie girl in a Barbie world-Noel

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check shower for murder then pee

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.