Justin Beiber is a woman

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Liking your own posts to make it seem like at least 1 person likes you. thinking that maybe someone will be slightly compelled to like it because someone already did.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.