My parents are annoying.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.