Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.