I hate being called "buddy".

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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Click my teeth from side to side at the beat of songs

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.