I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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In public,try to make eye contact with most people.

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I never feel bored

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.