I'm really picky about how I earn money

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

thumb_up thumb_down -78

When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +19

One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

thumb_up thumb_down +9

i always think people can hear my thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

thumb_up thumb_down -5

when i'm at the computer i say out of loud what i'm typing

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I pee in the shower. :3

thumb_up thumb_down -15

sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.