Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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I really enjoy taking a shit and dont really know why.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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On Youtube. Moving the mouse cursor over the video thumbnails thinking it will display different snap shots from the video. And realizing what a guy I am...

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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When you get lost while driving, the first thing you do is turn down the radio.

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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Thinking our singing voices are amazing, until we record it and play it back.

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.