When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.