when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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you collect best whatsapp status for your whatsapp and facebook at techcloud7.org

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Saving some leftovers of your favorite food .... the next week its still there (:

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.