i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -71

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

pull out a flies wings and let it go

thumb_up thumb_down -2

My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Always cover yourself in the bathroom mirror at home because you have this strange feeling that people at school are all watching you through your mirror~pls tell me im not the only one who ever feels this~oh well

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I wonder if elections are rigged?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.