Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.