After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

thumb_up thumb_down -35

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -45

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

thumb_up thumb_down -49

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -63

make south park refferences every day

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.