Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

thumb_up thumb_down -47

forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

thumb_up thumb_down -49

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

thumb_up thumb_down -59

i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -63

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

thumb_up thumb_down -89

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

thumb_up thumb_down -109

when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

thumb_up thumb_down -121

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.