When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I hit the frig after sex

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.