Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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make south park refferences every day

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I **** with no hands.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I was the real Stig...

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Mayada stupid

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.