I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Sitting down in the shower

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.