I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Picking my nose.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.