When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.