see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I **** with no hands.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.