OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.