OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.