I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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fap

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Picking my nose.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.