If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

thumb_up thumb_down -50

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -72

get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

thumb_up thumb_down -79

When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Pick your dead skin then eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.