Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.