when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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i masturbate with my feet

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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make south park refferences every day

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I was the real Stig...

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.