Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

make south park refferences every day

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Run faster down hotel corridors.

After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.