When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.